The Joys of Voice Texting

Last night - as my sister and I lay awake in our beds unable to sleep . . . yet again (those green teas really do give you all-day energy! – we discovered the true joys of voice texting.


The following is an actual texting conversation that provided us with literally hours of wild and utterly enthralling entertainment.



(Me)
(What voice texting said): I’m going to text to choosing my place and I’m going to see weird
(What I wanted to say): I’m going to text you using my voice and I’m going to say weird stuff.)

(Hailee)
Did you try to hear your boys texting thing again?
(Did you try to use your voice texting thing again?)

Commander have a voice texting works
(I wonder how well voice texting works)

Did you see if you click play in the rain?
(Indigenous Amphibians like to play in the rain.)

Burger King this is so funny you looking at bn westland’s cal.
(Rouger is looking at me so funny and wagging his tail.)

I’m using speak now I’ll change it to Thursday for another wanna get an accident guy
(I’m going to always use speak when driving so I don’t get in an accident and die)

U did somebody ##&# (It really sent those symbols)
Ew, did somebody fart?

Corny my birthday cake.
(I don’t even know what that was supposed to say)



Julie do you have your an ass.
(Hailee, don’t even sass me right now.)

Can your trip swim is very specific.
(Can you guess what this one is really supposed to say?)

Speak now very effective give me 98 super well
(I don’t think speak now is very effective. You have to enunciate very well.)

Your face looks like Chewbacca!
Hey! It got that one right!

So I can back to my room and Roger was so happy to see me.
(So, I came back into my room and Rouger was so happy to see me.)

This is Richard you really can get him out of your room.
(Why is Roger in your room again? Get him out of your room!)

Houston museum of this is really entertaining.
(I’m so amused. This is very entertaining.)

If don’t talk to that would be too drunk because people on drugs here things talking to them?

. . . . I don’t even remember what that one was supposed to say . . .

How did you fertilize if you can rest what I really said.
(I’ll give you $5 if you can guess what I really said.)

Stressing is called speak now my call say your message and something like that.
(Your thing is called Speak Now? Mine is called Say Your Message, or something like that)

Kiss my little sweetie speak.
(Well, it tells me to “speak now”.)

Call it Bangkok.
(So that’s what I call it)

Totally sucks ass
(I need a back massage)

I speak now thing I have a potty mouth
(My speak now thinks I have a potty mouth)

Okay dog is wet now new site
(Okay, going to bed now, good night)

This is james.
(Okay, sweet dreams)

Super cala fragilistic expialidocious

Wt?? That is gets???


Needless to say, voice texting is highly, highly efficient.

My sister's weird dream

My sister has the strangest dreams. And this is no joke. She'll wake up in the morning and say to me, "Last night I had the strangest dream." Then she'll proceed to tell me the dream and I am obligated to concur because . . . well . . . the dream was weird.


Take this one for example: (I'll do my best to repeat this in exactly her voice so you get the full effect.)

"Last night I had the strangest dream. I dreamt that you shot my dog.”

            “You dreamt I shot your dog?”

“Yes. There was a badger running through the house. It was running around wildly and driving everyone crazy. I wanted to shoot it, but much to my dismay, I couldn’t find any bullets. Instead, I opted to use small licorice pieces as ammunition. As I was loading them into the gun, I heard a gunshot from somewhere upstairs. Then you appeared carrying my dead puppy in your arms. You apologized and said you shot him mistaking him for the badger. I punched you in the face."

As you can imagine, as I am listening to this I am thinking that is absolutely absurd! Why would I ever pick up a dead dog?


Here is yet another example of the things my sister's subconscious mind can conjure. (Again, I'll be doing it in her exact voice.)

"Last night I had the strangest dream. (did I not tell you she says that?) I dreamt that I was moving to the moon with Sara. I tied all of my stuff to really large balloons and sent them on their way, but then Sara decided she no longer wanted to go, so I had a really big problem. How was I ever going to get my stuff back?"

That is a pickle. I’m glad it wasn’t my problem.